Friday, February 28, 2014

So I guess I'm making a youtube channel

I put up a poll on here last month because I was sorta considering making a youtube channel. It just closed this morning, and these are the results:
So 32 of you voted. Or, maybe it was just one of you who for some reason felt the need to go on 32 different devices and vote in order to make me feel special. The vast majority of votes wished for me to start a youtube channel. 5 people apparently just don't give fucks. 

One god damn person said they didn't want me to start a youtube channel.

WHO WAS IT

WHICH ONE OF YOU CLICKED THAT BUTTON

WAS IT A MORMON?

GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG

ANGRY COURTNEY IS ANGRY
Anyway, I'm really bad with computers. Therefor, if I actually do start a youtube channel, I'm probably gonna need Boyfriend's help with properly working a camera and uploading shit and such things. Said youtube channel will probably be exactly like this blog but in video-form of me just talking to a camera like an awkward little fuck. Just like in real life!


I shall write a blog post when the channel is up.

Note: I love mormons. You guys rock. As long as you don't steal my magic underpants, we're good.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

What happens when I'm bored?

Sometimes I draw on my hands when I'm bored, and I make beauteous art.

But yesterday, I decided to go on google and type in beginnings of sentences that could be interpreted as inappropriate. This is what I got as results.








I had to google what a "gumiho" is. Apparently "my girlfriend is a gumiho" is some weird ass Korean movie....and a gumiho is a nine-tailed fox that lives a thousand years or some shit.

Bitch, I'm damn sure that's a pokémon.
I also draw a lot of derpy shit when I'm bored. 

Moral of the story: I need a life

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

My love for body modification; how'd that happen?

So I don't know if you know me personally, but you probably do. If you do, you know that body modification is a thing that I want to pursue. Even if you don't know me, I mean, I have several posts pertaining to the piercings and tattoos I've given myself like a stupid teenager.


HOW THIS HAPPENED (I think):

-Age 7

At this point in my life, I was still relatively innocent, as are most 7 year olds. I didn't know shit about body modification, but I knew that I really enjoyed the color black and vampires and sticking out in public and such. I enjoyed princesses and my little ponies though, so that sorta overshadowed my still undeveloped badassery.

-Age 10

So I was in 5th grade at this point. This was the peak of my label as a tomboy. In other words, I looked either like a little boy, or a butch lesbian midget. What I'm getting at is that I had somehow kinda tapped into my inner source of weird rebelliousness that had priorly laid mostly dormant in my psyche. I still knew nothing about body modification except for the occasional tattoo or piercing, so I was not into that stuff yet; this meant that my only way to "rebel" was to be really loud in class and apparently dress like an FTM transgendered little asshat.

-Age 12

I was in 7th grade, and I started hanging out with kids in high school. Like, the pot smoking kids who are really awesome and nice and smart so shut the fuck up they were not drug addicts and pot is not bad for you blah blah blah blah blah BLAH BLAH
As I was saying, hanging out with those kids made me realize that being different is not only acceptable, but also awesome. That's kinda when I started learning about all those nice modification things. I didn't know a lot about it though, so I still didn't really realize that I wanted to pursue that type of thang. I was still in that stage where I was like, "OMG. SO MANY NEW THINGS. I AM SO MATURE. I KNOW EVERYTHING. I AM LIKE AN ALL-KNOWING, ENLIGHTENED, WHITE, TWELVE YEAR OLD BUDDHA."

-Age 13

8th grade was when I realized that body modification was a thing that I would marry if it was a living being. This is the point when I started researching and learning all about different types of tattoos, stretched piercings, subdermal implants, microdermal implants, scarification, and all those nice things. I realized that I kinda loved all that weird stuff that can easily be classified by some as mutilation. It's going past little tattoos and piercings. This is hardcore shit, and not only did I realize that I wanted it, but I realized that it was a type of art that I wanted to create. Like, on people. 

Modified people that I think look awesome with modifications I would like to learn how to replicate:
Dem eyes, and dat septum, and dat everything

Such tattoo, very sub dermal implants

This bitch is fucking gorgeous

This guy is a professional model and appeared in Lady Gaga's music video for Born This Way, motherfucker is a badass

Pauly Unstoppable; he has so many more modifications now (complete body tattoo coverage, more stretched piercings, ocular tattooing) this is an old photo

I don't know who this is but scarification on top of heavy tattooing is actually an awesome idea

By the way, I'm gonna tell you peoples a little something. People with heavy modifications DON'T HATE THEMSELVES. They were not all raped as kids, they don't rape kids, they don't murder kids, and they don't do any of that crap. Modifications are a passion and if you don't like it then you can go live your own normal life. Bitch. 

I plan on going to an illustration college, which would help my chances of becoming a professional tattoo artist/body modifier. So, if you want a professional awesome tattoo or piercing in about ten years, call me. We can work some shit out. You know, scaring the general public and such.

A comparison- photos to illustration

So I decided to take some selfies, and then illustrate them in the fashion that I usually do.
MINOR EXPLANATION: I like to illustrate these posts. I also like to take selfies sometimes. All the selfies I take are either to document my hair colors or just because I feel like being an idiot because I can. I am a class A dork and proud of it. Now look at these examples of how well I'm wasting my time.






I don't think this counts as an actual post, but fuck it, I worked hard on this shit.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Nipples and Boyfriend (it's not what you think)

There will be two chapters in this post. Deal with it.

CHAPTER ONE: THE GLORY OF NIPPLES

Nipples. They decorate our torso. They feed our children sometimes. They make great can openers. The history of the nipple starts in the golden age of the revolutionary war, when the Union needed a distraction in order to distract the confederates during the Great Battle of Stonehenge. The Union crafted the first set of nipples from the bones of a fire dragon. They placed them atop the supple titties of the princess trapped in the highest room of the tallest tower. From then on, the nipples reproduced again and again, almost like mitosis of a cell, creating every nipple in the history of all nipples we know today. All of this is completely true, just ask my crack dealer.


CHAPTER TWO: LE BOYFRIEND

My wonderful asian boyfriend and I have some pretty interesting conversations. Included in those conversations, was the dare that boyfriend gave me to write this post. Damn you boyfriend. Damn you.

Some of our common conversation topics:

-sexytimes that will probably never even happen (deal with it, boyfriend)

-skiing

-musical arguments

-fucking dares like this one.


Note, boyfriend did a dare post too. Click nyah to read it.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Stick-and-poke tattoos

If you've never heard of an S&P tattoo, no worries, because you've probably already heard of "prison tattoos," which are the exact same thing. It's basically the single most retarded and unsanitary thing you could ever possibly do to yourself; that might be why I have three of them.


TATTOO #1- HEART, OUTER WRIST/FOREARM (LEFT)
This was my first one, and I did it several months ago...and it's still there. I mean, that's how tattoos work. They don't go away.

TATTOO #2- CONSTELLATION TRIANGLE, INNER WRIST (LEFT)
I did this one around the same time as the first one. I wasn't even thinking when I did this one. I was kinda just stabbing myself with a bunch of ink in a triangular pattern and it's still there. It's a tattoo so it will be there forever, too.

TATTOO #3- 8TH NOTE (LE INNER RIGHT FOOT)

This one just happened to be ridiculously painful. Not in an agonizing way, but in a way that felt like constant bee stings, reason being that the skin on your inner foot is extremely thin. Therefor, your nerves are right there, so each time you stab the ink in....it feels exactly like how it sounds.

So each one of these has its own specific meaning to me, which I won't get into because you didn't come to this blog to feel feels, you came here either to laugh with me or laugh at me. I'm cool with either one.

MATERIALS NEEDED FOR THIS ABSOLUTELY RETARDED MODIFICATION:

-A thin needle

-Ink of some sort

-Skin

-A relatively high pain tolerance

-Patience

HOW TO TATTOO YOURSELF LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT USING SAID MATERIALS:

-Decide what design you want to permanently inflict upon yourself and in what spot

-Dip needle into ink

-Stab yourself a lot until desired shape/design is achieved

-Look in the mirror and shame yourself for being a delinquent because this is a really stupid thing to do and nobody should be as stupid as I am

-Most likely die from the ink poisoning or infection that you'll get from doing this


DISCLAIMER: Seriously, don't do this. If you want a tattoo, go see a professional. I plan on becoming a tattoo artist when I'm an adult, but for now, I'm left to my own devices and I just happen to be a stupid rebel with a high pain tolerance and a decent immune system. If I see you walking around with a stick and poke tattoo after reading this post, I will throw you off a bridge for being so stupid. 
-end of hypocritical rant-

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

How to be like me

STEP 1: ONLY WEAR LIKE 3 PIECES OF CLOTHING AND NOTHING ELSE EVER



STEP 2: DRAW/PAINT MORBID, MILDLY TRAUMATIZING IMAGES THAT WOULD GET ANY NORMAL PERSON SENT TO A PSYCHIATRIC UNIT



STEP 3: BE THE WHITEST SHADE THAT HUMAN SKIN COULD POSSIBLY BE WITHOUT BEING CLASSIFIED AS HAVING ALBINISM

STEP 4: HAVE GENETICALLY MUTATED IRISES

STEP 5: HAVE A RELATIVELY ATTRACTIVE SMILE, BUT NEVER ACTUALLY DISPLAY SAID SMILE; ONLY MAKE REALLY ABNORMAL AND TERRIFYING FACIAL EXPRESSIONS NO MATTER THE SITUATION BECAUSE WHO NEEDS FRIENDS, NOT YOU MOTHERFUCKER

"Hmmm, this girl seems pleasant and good-looking"

"OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK"

STEP 6: LOVE YOUR COLLECTION OF MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS MORE THAN YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY

STEP 7: LISTEN EXCLUSIVELY TO NU METAL, GRUNGE, DEATH METAL, BLACK METAL, AND...........PSYCHEDELIC ROCK FOR SOME REASON

"They look dirty."

"Aaaaand, nightmares"

"Is that a homeless man?

"That guy seems like the kind of person who rapes and eats puppies"

"Well that sure doesn't look very safe"

"YAY RAINBOWS OMG!"