Monday, March 31, 2014

March polls summary

So I put up new polls at the beginning of every month. Last month, I put up two polls. These are the results:
So in regards to the results for "Pick a Favorite," I'm not surprised. I certainly was expecting either titties or a unicorn to win. Honestly, I put "fapping to this blog" as a joke. Two of you still picked it. I mean, I'm flattered, but sweet jesus, you must have some weird fetishes to be able to get off to a high school student's creativity and humor blog.

Now, onto "What should my next post be about."
I hate all of you.
Now I feel obligated to write a post about my most embarrassing moments.

I'm deciding between several moments, because I want to dedicate the post to only one time. Here are the options:

OPTION #1: In first grade when I peed my pants

OPTION #2: The time I made my mom's black friend crash a motorcycle when I was ten

OPTION #3: The time in 6th grade when I accidentally put a dead fish in my crush's sweatshirt hood

There are you guys' choices. Comment what you want me to post.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

How my music taste developed

Do pardon if this post is shitty. I'm having a major belt of hyperactivity and I'm typing faster than I ever have in my life it's actually really scary and I think I might need some medication to control whatever the hell is happening in my brain right now.

So my music taste is really weird. I consider myself a metalhead with great pride, because metal (in several different forms, nu-metal being one of my favorites) is my primary music choice. However, if we get into my other music tastes, you may begin to wonder who the hell brought me up. Well, let me answer that for you; I was raised by being passed around between my parents, my grandparents, and my uncle. By the time I was around ten, I had been raised on a solid foundation of classical music, Fergie, P!nk, Green Day, Pink Floyd, and other bands that start with a color.

In other words, I liked Boroque and Punk.
Then, 5th grade happened.

At this point, I was just uncovering that part of me that was like "I am rebellious but not too rebellious so I'm going to be a little bit rebellious but not enough to bother anybody but still pretty rebellious." I didn't really know how to deal with this, so I didn't. However, this was the time that I got my first ipod touch, which meant I could get apps. Along with Doodle Jump and Minination and maybe some apps that could be classified as porn, I installed the Vevo app.
In case you've been living under an extremely heavy and technologically impaired rock for the past seven years, Vevo is a music video viewing website. I had the app for about two months before somehow stumbling across Seether's music video for Fake It. I honestly cannot recall how I managed to find this video, but it was the single best thing that had ever happened to me, with growing boobs at a close 2nd.

Anyway, I had never listened to nor even really heard of nu metal or grunge before. That's why I believe I was so fascinated with this video/song. I had suddenly gone from listening to Big Girls Don't Cry to 35 year old men simultaneously playing loud instruments and smoking Marlboros.
one of these things is not like the others

So I have this weird mentality that has effected me since I can remember; if I find a band that I like, I'm afraid to listen to more than one or two of their songs because I'm afraid I'm gonna find a really shitty song and be disappointed and stop listening to said band. This caused me to listen specifically and only to Fake It and Remedy because I was somehow convinced that all of Seether's other songs would be shit. This went on for a good two years or so.

In 7th grade, along with blossoming into a fully fledged delinquent, I decided it was time to start listening to some more hardcore music. This evolved into getting into the well known genre of Punk, with bands such as Rise Against and Blink 182, besides Green Day which I had already been listening to since I'd come out of the womb. I felt so badass, like I should've been in a motorcycle gang. You know, one full of hormonal twelve year old girls who don't know what their own genitals look like.

Anywho, I was into punk for a good year or so after that, exceptions being like three Seether songs. Then, the end of eighth grade.

At this time, I had started listening to lots of grunge and 60's stuff. I had gotten over my fear of listening to new songs and Seether became my favorite band of all time, and at that status it still remains. But I had not yet discovered real metal. Until, that is, I discovered Children of Bodom.

Children of Bodom is a progressive death metal band from Finland, and they're a little bit horrifying. As I recall, I discovered them by shitting around on the interwebs for a while and I decided to look up "death metal songs" for some reason. Children of Bodom came up. I listened to a few of their songs. I was horrified. I think I may have shit myself. And I loved it.

After that fateful discovery, I began listening to more metal bands, such as Slipknot and Decapitated. I also got into black metal around the beginning of this school year.

Essentially, my music taste has just spiralled downward into this pit of horror and blood and screaming and inaudible lyrics and guys wearing makeup. Currently, I'm very happy with the music that I listen to, which consists mainly of grunge, nu metal, and death metal. I'm always open to new stuff, but metal will forever be the music I listen to in the shower; the most crucial and to-the-point time of music listening-to. I mean, you can't go and skip a song while you're in the shower. You'd better prepare your playlist for absolutely no skips, unless you want to require a new music-playing device every time you shower. Actually, if you're rich enough to do that, you could probably afford to just pay the actual band to come and play in your shower. But if you're like the rest of us, you know that shower time is time to listen to only your favorite music.

This post went downhill very suddenly.

Remember to shower regularly, kids.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

I need a life

I have no life, like, at all, so I made this for you.

hi, we're Linkin Park

And
...wait...what are you doing..

YU

ADISHONAH

MY-A-FAMIRYU

Amanda got jesus butter all over my lips

I'm in the middle of writing an actual post, with illustrations, but I've been really busy lately and posting super frequently is getting difficult. The 4th quarter of the school year just started this week and I'm determined to turn in all my homework and get good grades on all my assignments and not murder too many people. I'm gonna be a good noodle.

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Sh*tty recordings

So people apparently want to hear me do the music-type things. Well, you got your wish.

WARNING: The quality of the recording thing I used to record this shtuff was equivalent to that of a potato.

Also, I can't label which recording is of what, because I can't remember. Some of them are of just me singing and some are of me singing while playing guitar and some of them are just me playing my guitar. In some of them I believe I'm singing the bridge of Driven Under by Seether and in others I'm playing some weird ass country song that I, to my own dismay, have stuck in my head. I hate country. I hate it with a burning passion.

Because of the shitty recording quality, you might want to turn down your volume. Again, listening to recordings in the likeness of a potato is bad for your ears.


Record music and voice >>



Record music with Vocaroo >>



Record and upload audio >>



Record music with Vocaroo >>



Audio recording >>



Online recording software >>

How'd I do?

Friday, March 21, 2014

How to be Grunge-tastic



In this post I shall be teaching you, with the help of my fellow grungebuddy Abby, how to be grungey as all fuck.

-To be grunge, one must listen to Nirvana and worship Kurt Cobain as their one and only higher power/entity.

-Grow out your hair. I don't give a fuck what gender you are or if it's a pain in the ass, your hair must be at least to your shoulders. If you do not have long hair then you're a failure and you might as well  just go get an office job and marry a nice wholesome person and have a big loving family. Absolutely disgusting.

-The first words you speak every day, no matter the circumstances, must be "I fucking hate everything."

-The only colors you can wear are certain dark, non-matching colors, including dark green, dark blue, dark red, dark orange, and very very dark gray. White can be used sparingly and black can be used to accompany these other colors. Never all black, never all white, and never bright colors, or else you're a pussy.

-Sweaters that cover your ass are absolutely necessary to the essence of grunge.

-Your hair must be messy, but not too messy, but not too well-kept. You must show everyone that you don't give a fuck, but you kinda give enough of a fuck to make sure everyone knows that you don't give a fuck.

-Stick and poke tattoos are optional, but tie together your grunginess with great power.

-Play an instrument, for the love of satan. But don't play it too passionately, and always look down with your hair in front of your face while you play it. You don't want to look like you have emotions.

-Fuck up all your clothes. Rip them and throw them out in the dirt and spit on them and splatter them with paint, or possibly acid. Only then can you be grungey.

*this post was a joke. 
kinda.
not really.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

What has band done to me?

GOD DAMN YOU, CONTEMPORARY CLASSICAL SYMPHONIES, YOU ARE RUINING ME. LOOK AT THE THINGS I AM LISTENING TO. I AM A FAILURE AS A METALHEAD.Dusk by Steven Bryant on Grooveshark
Dogs of War - Main Title by Christopher Lennertz on Grooveshark
Waterfall by Jon Schmidt on Grooveshark

LET ME EXPLAIN.
So I joined my school symphonic band around 3 months ago. I play the trumpet. I started playing trumpet in 5th grade, in my elementary school band. I continued playing trumpet in the school band until last year in which I took a break, but this year I took it up again, and let me tell you something; our symphonic band here is about 8000% more amazing than any other symphonic band I've been a part of. Like, for reals, we're like really tired, hungry, hormonal professionals.

Lately we've been working on this big ass piece called "Dusk," and it's like the noise angels make when they win the lottery. It looks easy, but you have to pay such close attention to how much force you put into each note and every single dynamic and when to stop and exactly how everyone else is doing it and there are parts when we have to hold whole notes for like THREE LONG ASS MEASURES and it's DIFFICULT but it's SO DAMN PRETTY OH MY GOD.
Yesterday in band practice we just did this song over and over for basically an hour and a half. I guess this forced it deep into my subconscious and fate then decided that I was destined to be a huge nerd and I become obsessed with that damn song.

I went home, and instead of doing my homework, I looked up Dusk on youtube and just kept playing it over and over again. I was dancing around the living room like a deranged chimpanzee, attempting to be graceful while conducting an invisible symphony band. My dad was there the whole time and he didn't say anything pertaining to "Stop that and go do your homework," as he usually does. Honestly I think he may have assumed that I was on hard drugs and that it was best to just leave me alone with my classical hoedown.

My mom gets home every day at 5 pm, and by this time yesterday I had been insulting the good name of dance for about two hours. My mom walked in the door and just kinda watched what was going on in her home, which consisted of her mature teenage daughter having what appeared to be a well-structured seizure and her husband sitting in the corner with his laptop and not doing anything about anything.

Then she promptly began conducting and dancing with me.
So instead of actually doing any sort of homework last night, my mom and I just spent the whole night on the interwebs looking up songs similar to Dusk so we could conduct more. Now I'm obsessed entirely with contemporary classical symphonies. They're fucking beautiful. I'm taking a break from being a metalhead in order to be Beethoven.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The struggle is real

So I like to think that I'm a relatively privileged individual. I'm not totally rich, in fact my family is below the poverty line set for Park City (which means my family makes a very sufficient amount of money because Park City is like fucking Atlantis), however, we're still in the middle class. This means, despite my incredibly large amount of luxury and future when compared to the rest of the world, I have fucktons of problems. These problems are the bane of my existence. I wish they would all die. What kind of problems am I talking about, you may be wondering. What I am talking about are the things that haunt our very psyche. They follow us until the day we die. They eat away at our sanity and motivation to live until we are reduced to quivering lumps of skin and tears.

What I am talking about....are first world problems.


What is the deal with first world problems? Why must they haunt us?

Let me recall my first memory of having my own first world problem. I was around three, I believe. I was on my way to tap dance class, and I was hungry. Like, bitchy hungry. I was sitting in the back seat, bitching at my mom that I was really hungry. She kept telling me two things:
Thing #1: I had just eaten a butt ton of eggo pancakes
Thing #2: There was gonna be a huge ass buffet at tap dance practice because it was our last day of class.
I just couldn't wait the 10 minutes down the freeway to get to the dance studio, because the abundance of butter slathered carb-circles apparently wasn't enough for me. I had just eaten, but I was still hungry and I didn't want to wait for my mom to drive me in a 20,000$ car down the well-kept highway to my expensive tap dance practice in order for me to stuff my face with more food.

COMMON FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS:

-I'm hungry, but I'm too lazy to get off the couch and get food.

-My arm is too fat to fit in the Pringles can.

-I kinda want to be a vegetarian but meat is so delicious.

-I'm super comfy in my bed and I want to go to sleep, but I'm too comfy to get out of bed and turn off the lights.

-I just got in bed and now I have to pee.

-I just made a sandwich and realized I'm not that hungry.

-I'm not poor enough to have welfare buy me whatever the fuck I want, but I'm not rich enough to buy myself whatever the fuck I want.

-I ran out of red hair dye so I had to use the blood of my enemies instead.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Potato air conditioner






no explanation fo yu

See this blog right here?

So I have this friend.

This friend has a blog.

This blog is a very good blog.

LOOK AT IT.



This blog is very entertaining. If you like my blog (I mean, you're reading it right now) you should go over to that blog. If you're a regular viewer of my blog, you may have read my post about YAA that I published around a month ago. If you're too much of a lazy fuck to click on that link to the post, it's basically just a bunch of pictures of my buddies Audrey, Jessica, and Nicole. Nicole is the one with the cool blog, and I put a link to it in that post.

I don't think anybody fucking clicked on that link, but you'd better fucking click on it now. Nicole's blog is super feels-invoking and intellectual in the right section of your brain. 
AND IT ONLY HAS LIKE 200 PAGEVIEWS.

Go to that blog. For reals. NAO.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

I don't fangirl. I get ladyrections.

-if you don't share my love for grunge and nu metal and the dudes who make it, I must warn thee, this post won't mean shit to you. It does however make me projectile vomit rainbows so deal.-
MOTHERFUCKING
SHAUN FUCKING MORGAN

 COREY FUCKING TAYLOR
*WARNING* IF LADY BONER LASTS LONGER THAN 4 HOURS, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU PROBABLY JUST TOOK A GOOD LOOK AT THIS PICTURE

 KURT COBAIN OMFG YES PLEASE
I HAVE HIM ON MY WALL