So I'm negative

So I've been talking with my therapist lately. She's been telling me that I'm too negative. Well, lemme tell you something.
.
.
You're damn right I'm too negative. That's just me.

First off- I absolutely hate people. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about positive vibes and meditation and having good friends and all that pussy shit, but I just genuinely hate people, aside from everything else. I can't stand large groups. Everybody smells like shit. People don't know how to control their damn volume. Hasn't anybody heard the term "inside voices?" Hasn't anybody heard the term deodorant?! I hate the smell of other people. Even if it's not particularly bad- it just disgusts me.

Hating things just comes naturally to me. If I see something, the first thing I do is try to find out the positive aspects of said thing. However, the problem with that is, finding good things is very difficult for me. If you're my friend, consider yourself a wizard, because it's seriously some sort of black magic that takes place when my brain decides to let me like things. I'm gonna list some things that I like:

-black

-music, specifically grunge, nu metal, progressive death metal, and psychedelic rock

-my like 5 friends

-rain

-trees

-Westport Beach (at any time other than summer, by myself)

-my piano

-sleeping

-carbs

And that's pretty much it. Other than that, I suppose I can find joy in things, but eventually it'll start majorly pissing me off and I'll start to hate it until further notice.

I do like things, I swear. I'm just not good at showing it. I think sometimes it might be somewhat difficult to be able to tell whether or not I like you. Wanna know how I like you? Look- if I talk to you, I like you. It's as simple as that. I don't talk to people who I don't think are worth my time. Sometimes I appear shy in public, but anybody who really knows me knows that on the inside, I'm really just like:

I believe this ego is part of being a negative person at heart. Contrary to your average teenager's view of their own self as a fat ugly monster that nobody will ever love even if, in reality, they're freaking gorgeous, I'm the opposite. I know my own level of intelligence, and if I believe somebody is too severely below that level (unfortunately, meaning about 3/4ths of my generation) they're simply not worth my time. If you think the sun is a sun and not a star or something else of that degree of idiocy, I refuse to look further into your being and you've lost your chance to prove yourself to me as an adequate human being, and I will kindly ask you to stop hogging my oxygen. 

So this has been a rather egotistical post. You know what? Good. I'm feeling bitchy today. Fuck all y'all, I'm a classy lady. Good day.

Inconsistency

As most of you know, I began this blog involuntarily. This blog is an ongoing assignment that began last September for my honors english class. Every week, we're assigned a decent-sized blog post containing a photo, a link, and lots and lots of words pertaining to said photo and link. Now, I do this happily. So happily, in fact, that I began long ago to post on this blog without even being assigned to do so. I guess that's what happens when your school gives you a nice laptop but all the cool websites are blocked; you turn into a work dork and convince yourself that you're having fun, when you're really just subconsciously craving massive quantities of gay fanfiction on tumblr.

Some of these un-assigned posts are actually pretty damn good, examples being my post about periods (which is one of my most popular posts, you sick fucks), and this post about my current life as a band geek. My personal criteria for a "good" post, is the following:

-The post mustn't contain any loads of crap, "loads of crap" being random bullshit paragraphs that I just tend to throw in there during fits of hyperactive madness.

-The post must have at least two paragraphs between pictures. Basically, there must be more words than pictures. I mean, this isn't preschool anymore, this is high school. I know, I'm as depressed about it as you are.

-There must be at least one or two of my own original illustrations. I just feel really accomplished when I illustrate a post. It creates the illusion that I have my shit together.

-The post must be humorous. This blog is technically a creativity blog, but let's be real here; the only reason anybody reads this crap is because I use words like "penis," "fuck," and "cuntnugget" more frequently than I should. Do not follow in my footsteps on the matter. South Park made a whole song about why swearing is bad. Seriously, look up "It's easy, Mkay."

As I was saying, I try my best to write "good" posts as much as possible. However, with my being easily excited and distracted, I write a lot of short cruddy posts too. Like, I have a whole post that's just basically just pictures of Bolbi from Jimmy Neutron. One of my most popular posts of all time is literally no words, just two really creepy illustrations. All you people seem to really like all my posts, crappy or not.

All you people, of course, excluding my english teacher.

TO SAID ENGLISH TEACHER, MY POSTS ARE "INCONSISTENT." 

Apparently, dearest Mr. Parker believes that my posts are inconsistent in regards to quality. I am apparently nut-kicking (that was my own language used right there) my readers outs of decent posts half the time because of the sheer frequency of my "cruddy" posts. Well, mister "I grade all your assignments and I decide your very fate with the possibility that I could force you to fail my class and remediate it over the summer therefor making you unappealing to colleges and ruining your chances of ever getting a decent job in order to support yourself even with the most basic essentials such as 2-ply toilet paper," I will have you know, I am a top-notch example of a teenager with ADD. This assures that I make a bunch of worthless posts, but SO HELP ME, they are still funny. My readers are predominantly other teenagers, and we all have damn short attention spans. Hell, I bet half my viewers aren't even reading this sentence because they only come here to look at the funny pictures which, in my defense, take me a long arse time to complete.

So, english teacher. I encourage you to appreciate all my posts, even the ones I do not submit as assignments, even the ones that are just slightly entertaining screenshots of cartoon characters from the 2000's.

Everyone else, I still hate you for choosing "embarrassing moments" as my next post topic. Go sit in the corner and think about what you've done. Butt faces.

March polls summary

So I put up new polls at the beginning of every month. Last month, I put up two polls. These are the results:

So in regards to the results for "Pick a Favorite," I'm not surprised. I certainly was expecting either titties or a unicorn to win. Honestly, I put "fapping to this blog" as a joke. Two of you still picked it. I mean, I'm flattered, but sweet jesus, you must have some weird fetishes to be able to get off to a high school student's creativity and humor blog.

Now, onto "What should my next post be about."
I hate all of you.
Now I feel obligated to write a post about my most embarrassing moments.

I'm deciding between several moments, because I want to dedicate the post to only one time. Here are the options:

OPTION #1: In first grade when I peed my pants

OPTION #2: The time I made my mom's black friend crash a motorcycle when I was ten

OPTION #3: The time in 6th grade when I accidentally put a dead fish in my crush's sweatshirt hood

There are you guys' choices. Comment what you want me to post.

Quotes (mostly from Filmcow)

"And don't forget to swish-and-flick the shit out of your wand, like this! NYEEHNG!"
-Professor Flitwick

"Caaarl, there is a dead human in our house!"
-Paul the llama

"Even with cake, I feel nothing."
-Marshmallow person #2

"I've always wanted to shoot someone from a clock tower."
-The Cloak

"That's funny, as a communist, he should've either combusted or turned into a giant red squid of some sort." "He's got a temple recommends card..." "Well crap, he's not a communist, he's a Mormon. That explains his need to make everything in his company all safe, and kid-friendly......and well dressed"
-The Cloak and Robert Mitchum's severed head

"I am the banana king!"
-Charlie the Unicorn

"So what does everyone think about cat abortions?"
-Dennis

"Alloess Pewdie!"
-Stefano

"I can't hear you, it's too dark in here"
-unknown

"These are all the little things that make me smile, these are all the things that make life worthwhile, everybody knows the holocaust was a lie, so let's sing about the things we like and don't be shy!"
-A ferret

"Not even my best friend Dennis showed up, and he always shows up 'cause he's an idiot."
-Horse Man

"I can feel my triangular awesomeness leaking out of my face!" 
-Triangle Man

So some of these quotes are not from Filmcow videos, but most of them are. Filmcow made Charlie the Unicorn in case you were wondering. Filmcow makes me very happy. I've been watching their videos  since I was ten, and they never fail to make me laugh until I ruin my makeup.