My life journey towards realizing that I'm weird as f*ck

I'm weird. Really weird.

I didn't always know that I was kinda different in regards to my interests and personality. I was a really normal baby and toddler and everything. I was cute with little blond pigtails and I wore pink dresses and such. I had a fetish for princesses, sparkles, and My Little Pony.

I believed in cooties, and that girls go to college to get more knowledge and boys go to jupiter to get more stupider. I loved my mommy and my daddy and my wittle baby bwuvurr. I was passionate about my ballet class and all things girly and fabulous. After watching Barbie Fairytopia when I was 3, I firmly believed with all my heart that one day I would too be greeted by a fairy queen, be given a rainbow bejeweled necklace, and begin sprouting my own translucent glittery fully functional fairy wings. One may have described me as adorable, perhaps even precious.

Then, when I turned about 9 or 10, I quite suddenly plunged off the deep end and went entirely tomboy. I have no idea how the hell it happened, but it happened. I began dressing in loose jeans, crappy sweatshirts, and my hair looked like that of a rather greasy Kurt Cobain, split down the middle, in front of my eyes and everything.

I spent basically all of 4th, 5th, and 6th grade in this awkward female hobo form. This is when I believe I realized that I was kinda strange. I hadn't found myself yet, but I definitely knew that I hated pop music and I wouldn't go within 7 feet of any kind of skirt or the color pink.

when I was around 11 or 12, I somewhat reverted back into a pretty perfect person. It was really weird, and I blame puberty. I started wearing makeup, I grew out my hair down to my ass, and I decided that wearing push-up bras when I had size A boobs was a good plan. *Notice- it wasn't a good plan. What mattered to me is that I suddenly got somewhat popular.

I KNOW, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

I WAS POPULAR ONCE? 

WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!

Yes. The thing is, I hadn't yet discovered awesome metal or the style that I currently know I have. The only things I'd really been exposed to were being a tomboy, or being girly. So I chose to be girly. Apparently I'm rather pretty when I'm girly, therefor I was popular for a few months before I went fucking insane. But, for that period of time, I was one of those popular sluts that everyone hates. I was that girl.

So, at the height of my sweet popularity, I kinda realized that I hated everything.

This was no ordinary "I hate everything" hormonal pre-teen phase. This was pure, dark, wretched hatred of everything. It was really unpleasant. I was aware that I'd been dealing with mild depression since I was in 2nd grade, but it quite suddenly spiraled out of control into a cavern of depressahateaholism. So, a month or two after I turned 12, my life kinda went to shit and I may or may not have become a delusional alcoholic reclusive schizophrenic hot mess.

I lost my popularity. I didn't really care. My logic was kinda just like "Whoa, how did that happen? I could've sworn that just a month ago I didn't smell like a walrus with indigestion. Wait, when was the last time I showered?" That's the period in my life when I realized that I really liked piercings and tattoos and shit-tons of eyeliner. 

So I ended up going through all this rehab type shitty shit and I sorta became my popular self again. Not mentally, but physically I was like that again. I ended up moving to Utah a while later. I wasn't ridiculously popular, but at first, I don't think anybody suspected why I always wore long sleeves, or why whenever people mentioned One Direction I'd cringe, or why whenever we passed a person with body modification I'd stare at them and drool. 

Last year I decided I'd been portraying myself as if I was a popular bimbo for too long. I chopped off 2 feet of my fabulous blond hair so it was just barely longer than a pixie cut, and started dressing in band t-shirts and such attire. It didn't go too horribly. I regret nothing. I started being more open about my music-writing and psychedelic paintings and my awkwardness and the fact that I try to kiss anybody with more than 50% of their body covered with tattoos. 

Since last year, I've pierced my ears a total of 8 times, started stretching my ears, given myself a tattoo, and brutally murdered a total of 682 smurfs. Yeah bitch. I did that for society.

So yeah. I don't hide anything anymore. Except my genitals. Those are mine. You dirty pig.