The struggle is real

So I like to think that I'm a relatively privileged individual. I'm not totally rich, in fact my family is below the poverty line set for Park City (which means my family makes a very sufficient amount of money because Park City is like fucking Atlantis), however, we're still in the middle class. This means, despite my incredibly large amount of luxury and future when compared to the rest of the world, I have fucktons of problems. These problems are the bane of my existence. I wish they would all die. What kind of problems am I talking about, you may be wondering. What I am talking about are the things that haunt our very psyche. They follow us until the day we die. They eat away at our sanity and motivation to live until we are reduced to quivering lumps of skin and tears.

What I am talking about....are first world problems.

What is the deal with first world problems? Why must they haunt us?

Let me recall my first memory of having my own first world problem. I was around three, I believe. I was on my way to tap dance class, and I was hungry. Like, bitchy hungry. I was sitting in the back seat, bitching at my mom that I was really hungry. She kept telling me two things:
Thing #1: I had just eaten a butt ton of eggo pancakes
Thing #2: There was gonna be a huge ass buffet at tap dance practice because it was our last day of class.
I just couldn't wait the 10 minutes down the freeway to get to the dance studio, because the abundance of butter slathered carb-circles apparently wasn't enough for me. I had just eaten, but I was still hungry and I didn't want to wait for my mom to drive me in a 20,000$ car down the well-kept highway to my expensive tap dance practice in order for me to stuff my face with more food.

COMMON FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS:

-I'm hungry, but I'm too lazy to get off the couch and get food.

-My arm is too fat to fit in the Pringles can.

-I kinda want to be a vegetarian but meat is so delicious.

-I'm super comfy in my bed and I want to go to sleep, but I'm too comfy to get out of bed and turn off the lights.

-I just got in bed and now I have to pee.

-I just made a sandwich and realized I'm not that hungry.

-I'm not poor enough to have welfare buy me whatever the fuck I want, but I'm not rich enough to buy myself whatever the fuck I want.

-I ran out of red hair dye so I had to use the blood of my enemies instead.