Friday, March 21, 2014

How to be Grunge-tastic



In this post I shall be teaching you, with the help of my fellow grungebuddy Abby, how to be grungey as all fuck.

-To be grunge, one must listen to Nirvana and worship Kurt Cobain as their one and only higher power/entity.

-Grow out your hair. I don't give a fuck what gender you are or if it's a pain in the ass, your hair must be at least to your shoulders. If you do not have long hair then you're a failure and you might as well  just go get an office job and marry a nice wholesome person and have a big loving family. Absolutely disgusting.

-The first words you speak every day, no matter the circumstances, must be "I fucking hate everything."

-The only colors you can wear are certain dark, non-matching colors, including dark green, dark blue, dark red, dark orange, and very very dark gray. White can be used sparingly and black can be used to accompany these other colors. Never all black, never all white, and never bright colors, or else you're a pussy.

-Sweaters that cover your ass are absolutely necessary to the essence of grunge.

-Your hair must be messy, but not too messy, but not too well-kept. You must show everyone that you don't give a fuck, but you kinda give enough of a fuck to make sure everyone knows that you don't give a fuck.

-Stick and poke tattoos are optional, but tie together your grunginess with great power.

-Play an instrument, for the love of satan. But don't play it too passionately, and always look down with your hair in front of your face while you play it. You don't want to look like you have emotions.

-Fuck up all your clothes. Rip them and throw them out in the dirt and spit on them and splatter them with paint, or possibly acid. Only then can you be grungey.

*this post was a joke. 
kinda.
not really.

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