why you may or may not want to be friends with me

I'm extremely bipolar. That is not a self diagnosis

One minute I'm all smiley and happy. I don't care who you are, I love you. I am maternal and I will kiss your booboos. I will tell jokes and be the most amazing person ever.

Then suddenly, I'm the single most terrifyingly hyperactive bitch in the world. Can't keep up while I run in circles at 40 mph and scream at the top of my lungs? Sucks for you.

Then, I'm absolutely awful. I'm sarcastic and I only open my eyes halfway because I hate looking at everything. No matter how nice you are to me, I will still respond sarcastically without so much as an eyebrow twitch, and I will blow my cigarette smoke right in your face. I won't even laugh when you choke on all the shit I just exhaled into your personal space, because I hate everything and laughter is futile.

And suddenly, I'm a depressed lump of tears. My heart will hurt more than if you were to smash a baseball bat over my ass. Nothing even has to happen, my brain will just be like SUICIDAL TEARS CRY WEEP YOU HATE YOUR LIFE BITCH!

Then I'm really shy. I hide behind my hair and stay so quiet, I hardly breathe. But, if you touch me, I will not hesitate to swat away your hand with the force of a thousand tortured souls.

I'm kinda offensive

if I know you believe in something, such as a god, I will make fun of you. Lovingly, but still.

If there's something wrong with your makeup or clothes or something, I will tell you. I do it because I refuse to let anybody I care about walk around looking less than what they were going for. However, people interpret it as "lol you're ugly"

I swear like a trucker

...that is all

I'm spontaneous to the point where I think it will negatively affect my life one day

In 8th grade, I chopped off two feet of my luxurious blond hair, because I looked in the hallway mirror at 2 pm on a saturday, and decided I wanted short hair. My mom almost threw up when she saw me with my hair just barely longer than a pixie cut.

When I was a little kid, I started screaming like a banshee in the middle of quiet reading time. Why? Because I realized nobody could stop me until it had already been done. Needless to say, I got in trouble.

Sometimes I go to the store and think about shanking the cashier and stealing all the cigarettes on the shelf behind them. Once I literally had to run out of the store to keep myself from doing it.

I'm a perv

I will touch your body, and I will do so in the creepiest way possible, because it entertains me to see people's creeped-out face.

I can make a dirty joke out of anything. Anything.

Last but not least, I blog about my awkward life to people I don't know....