Periods ruin my life

MEN!! THIS POST IS ABOUT THAT TIME OF THE MONTH. IT IS NOT GOING TO BE PLEASANT. YOU CAN READ IT IF YOU WANT TO, BUT DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED.

I am speaking for every single female out there when I say periods can go fuck themselves. 

Never in my untainted young mind could I ever have fathomed the horrors I would experience when I got my period. 

First period ever (story time!)

I was eleven. I am completely aware that there is no convenient time to get your period, but I got my first period ever ON A FUCKING PLANE. I was with my little brother and my grandpa, who were both very inexperienced when it came to Aunt Flow. I had never experienced cramps before, so when I started feeling them, I thought somebody was stabbing the inside of my intestines. My conclusion was that I had to take a dump. So I went to the airplane bathroom, pulled down my shorts and panties, and lo and behold, a giant ass blood puddle had shown up right in my underwear. I was absolutely flipping shit. I had no idea what to do. I ended up stuffing about half a roll of crappy airplane toilet paper in my panties, and I sat for the remainder of the 4 hour plane ride in complete and utter horror, convinced I was bleeding onto the Continental Airlines' nice seat.

Now, my ADD is difficult to deal with as it is. But, on my period, I become this retarded chick who can't even read. Wanna see the online math homework I've been working on for about an hour?

Yeah. That's how bad my ADD gets. I swear to god I'm trying as hard as I can. 

And, instead of being like THIS:

Oh! What have we here? Homework from my wonderful school? 

I cannot wait to engage in such fabulously educational activities!

I'm like THIS:

My uterus is giving me cancer and I don't have enough cheese nips.

I don't know about other girls, but my cramps are almost unbearable. Often, the pain literally makes me cry, and I have an incredibly high pain tolerance. Imagine a very strong midget repeatedly punching you in the lower stomach for five days straight. I'm essentially debilitated when I'm on my period.

I'm not even going to say that much about the blood. What is there to say? I mean, your blood is literally spewing from your pussy lips in a barrage of nasty.  

The end. Boys, count your blessings.