Chinese Food

I hate chinese food.
I love chinese food.
AAAAGGGGHHHHHHH

I've never had this problem before a few months ago.

I've always loved chinese food, one could argue that it's always been my crack. Since I was, like, five, I've always ordered one of two meals; egg drop soup with california rolls, or lo mein with general tsao's chicken and a spring roll. I'd always finish every bite, and be perfectly filled and happy.

HOWEVER. 

I stopped eating it for a while. I was busy with moving across the country and I also had a horrific eating disorder, which all pretty much ruined my appetite for everything. Then, August of this year, when I had settled into my new home and was pretty much recovered from le bulimia, I just really started wanting chinese food. I just remembered that it existed, and I was like, holy shit I need chinese food RIGHT FUCKING NOW. 

So my mom happily drove me to the local Panda Express, and although they unfortunately didn't have california rolls or egg drop soup, they had an abundance of my favorite noodles and general tsao's chicken and spring rolls. I ordered it, and on the car ride home, I was so fucking excited it wasn't even funny.

When we got home, I shoved the food in my face pretty damn fast. So fast, in fact, that I didn't notice I'd just eaten about half my weight in greasy Chinese takeout. I remember it quite clearly. I was in the middle of chewing my very last bite, and suddenly I just felt my stomach screaming at my brain that it was about to fucking explode. It was as if I had just swallowed one of those little capsules that you get in goodie-bags when you're a kid; the ones that you put in water and after a few hours it turns into a foam dinosaur or a crab or something. It didn't look like too much before I ate it, but I swear it expanded in my tummy to a point where I was nearly sure I'd have to get my stomach pumped.

My stomach:

I didn't understand. I was basically recovered from my eating disorder, so it wouldn't make sense that I was still sensitive to food. Had my stomach shrunk? It made no sense. Nevertheless, I spent the rest of the night in the fetal position, clutching my abdomen, trying not to vomit.

Since this experience, I've ordered from Panda Express a total of three times. Three times. AND THE SAME THING KEEPS HAPPENING.

WHAT THE FUCK, STOMACH? WHY WON'T YOU LET ME EAT MY BELOVED CHINESE FOOD?!?!

So now I'm seriously scared to eat Chinese food, because I'm afraid of the horrific stomach ache I get when I eat it. Even so, I still crave it constantly.

Dear Chinese food,

Stop making my stomach flip its shit. It didn't do anything to you. 

-Courtney

Dear Stomach,

Stop flipping your shit when I eat Chinese food. It's the same stuff I've been eating since I was a little kid. It won't make you explode, it's your own fault that you're racist and don't like asian things; don't even get me started on the problems you seem to have with Indian food. I swear, one of these days we're taking you to counseling so you can get over your racism.

-Your Goddamn Owner