No, school district, I cannot science

I am an artist.
I am a musician.
I am a dork.
I am Courtney...
And Courtney is not a god damn scientist.

Okay, let's get this straight. I've always had a special love for science. By science, I mean experimenting, figuring things out for myself, anything pertaining to the universe and black holes and nebulae and awesome-type things, especially celestial bodies and the concepts of space and time. The whole unnecessary worky mathy lab part that school throws in is not okay, and I CAN'T FUCKIN DO IT. 

For the past 2 months, we've been focusing on a science fair that's taking place this wednesday. That means we need a big ass tri-fold display, a whole bitching essay, a long ass experiment, shit tons of data, a fucking log of our experiment, and we get to fucking present them this wednesday at the fair.

That is not okay.

That is the opposite okay.

That is BAD.

THAT IS NOT OKAY.

You wanna know what's not okay?
THAT.

I've been working on my fucking trifold for the past 36 hours, and I don't even have my experiment done yet. You know why? BECAUSE I'VE CHANGED EXPERIMENTS 3 FUCKING TIMES.

FIRST TRY:
I put bread in zero sunlight, partial sunlight, and full sunlight to see which one molded the fastest. My science teacher said to not do this, because it apparently was boring, but in my head, I was like no, this is gonna be the best science project the world has ever seen. This moldy bread is going to be more legendary than Jesus himself. What ended up happening, is NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED. After a day or two, all three pieces of bread got kinda stale. In the following 4 weeks, in which I desperately continued watching the bread because I was so hopelessly convinced that something would happen, the bread just sat there, taunting me with its inevitable fossilization. After a month and a half of my precious time wasted, my mom finally got me to change projects. This was 2 weeks before the due date, or a week and a half ago.

SECOND TRY:
Because we had no time to lose, my mom and I agreed to just watch different liquids evaporate. This was retarded. They all evaporated at the same time. We pretty much knew that was gonna happen, but for some reason we just assumed we could somehow will one or two of the liquids to evaporate faster than the others. Two days ago, we abandoned it, after realizing that it was certainly the stupidest project anybody had ever performed. At this point, we had 5 days to complete the entire fucking project.

THIRD TRY:
We decided to actually get our shit together on this one. Our current project is to test if food coma affects reflex time. Bitch, we're trying.

Currently, my mom and I have given up and are watching TV, and my cat is sitting on my trifold and we're not even stopping her.

I cannot fucking science. Neither can my mom. We're not a worky family.