How to pierce your own ear without f*cking it up + ADD

So I was recently diagnosed with ADD. My mom was worried about the fact that I never remember anything and seem to zone out even during things that I'm interested in, so she took me to a doctor, who concluded I've been showing obvious signs of ADD since I was, like, five. I've been on medication for borderline personality disorder for three years, and soon I'm getting more meds for my ADD. So apparently, those meds make you mellow and boring. I REFUSE TO EVER BE BORING EVER, I SWEAR. So I decided last night I would do something very un-boring. I thought to myself, I've always wanted a cartilage piercing.....

Before you scream at me about how incredibly horrible and unsanitary my decision was, I shall share with you the steps I follow when piercing my ears which I have done five times, not including this cartilage piercing, none of which have ever been infected or fucked up in any way. After you read this crap, then you can yell at me all you want. I regret nothing.

Step 1

You should probably get your parent/guardian's permission before you continue with the rest of these steps. I shall not be held responsible for the massive trouble you may get in with your parents for poking a hole in your ear. Some parents are more lenient than others. However, I can't control you or tell you not to do it without their permission. I'm just warning you, it is a better idea to do it with your parent/guardian's permission as opposed to piercing yourself without permission.

Step 2

Clean everything. I personally just use hydrogen peroxide. Clean your entire ear, your hands, and whatever you happen to be piercing yourself with. Kick dem bacterias' nasty primitive asses.  

Step 3

Clean everything again. 

Don't question my authority, just clean some more.

Step 4 

Mark where you want to pierce. This step is optional, but it's a good idea. Seriously, you can just use a pen or eyeliner. 

If you're piercing both ears, this is a good plan as long as you want the piercings to be symmetrical. If you want them to be awkward and askew, never mind.

Step 5

Turn up some music. Again, optional, but it helps. Music that you can sing really loudly to is always nice for this step.

Step 6

Make sure you're piercing yourself with something decent. You should probably use a hollow piercing needle, but hell, you're most likely not a professional. If you've had your ears pierced before, you may own a pair of starter earrings. NOT JUST ANY EARRING. You see how the end of this earring is pointy and sharp?

It's a starter earring. If you pierce yourself with a nubby earring (shut up you know what I mean) it will hurt like an enormous bitch during the piercing, the blunt force trauma to your ear will give it a higher chance of getting really disgusting and infected, and you will bleed like a virgin bride. Just use something thin and pointy, okay? Okay.

Step 7

Clean everything one more time. Shut up and do it.

Step 8

Pierce it. Sing to your music and shove the damn thing through you your ear. Don't pussy out, shove it! SHOVE IT!

Step 9

Clean your ear. Yep. Again.

Done.

Keep cleaning it daily for a while.

Keep it in for:

LOBES - A FEW WEEKS

CARTILAGE - QUITE A FEW MONTHS 

Cool. You have your ear pierced now. 

ADD FRICK YEAH!